Today, my dog died. I spent ages digging him a grave and buried him in the garden so that my dad wouldn’t have to deal with the stress when he got home from work. When my dad got home he told me that he had wanted the dog to be cremated. I have just had to dig up my dog’s body. FML

Today, I was preparing to perform with my marching band at a competition. Right before we went on, a tuba player friend of mine offered to help me stretch. He wound up snapping my bra. I’m a drum major, and had to conduct the entire show while my boobs were falling out. FML

Today, I went to the restroom at school and when I finished my business, I noticed there was no toilet paper. I then started to wait hoping that a janitor would come by with extra toilet paper. It wasn’t until an hour later that I then realized there was 4 extra rolls hidden behind the toilet. FML

Today, I was hanging out with my best friend. I have been getting these random sexually explicit texts and phone calls so I just joking said to my friend, “I reckon someone wrote my number on a bathroom stall.” At which point he said, “Sorry, I didn’t reckon people really called those numbers.” FML

Today, it was my 17th birthday. My mom forgot and my best friend is out of town. The highlight of my day? The guy at McDonalds slipped an extra apple pie in my bag. FML

Today, I went skating and I fell on a bunch of rocks. When I looked down at the cuts, it spelled “Lex” perfectly, which is my bestfriend’s name. I showed people, and now people reckon that I’m obsessed and a cutter. FML

Today, while talking to my boyfriend, I was frantically searching for my cell phone. He was curious as to what I was doing so I told him. There was long silence followed by laughter. He could hardly breathe as he told me, “Honey you’re on your phone talking to me.” FML